so here’s the deal… I feel better when I do the shit that I know I should be doing (go figure)… get enough sleep, wake up at the same time, eat at the same times and on a regular schedule… walk in the am… and like magic my body needs less insulin, I feel better… and then I stop jacking up on caffeine and my anxiety totally levels out… I know it’s rocket science-y level shit. But here’s the thing, sometimes I still don’t do this stuff… I’m getting better. I’ve started a nutrition program through a friend and my sugars have become stable… like stupid ridiculous stable. I’ve upped my protein level, taken gluten out (again)… and I feel so much better, it’s like everything in my body is moving again. I’ve been walking in the morning too… that has made a big difference in the rest of my day, both with my sugars and with my mood, outlook… a lot of the time I walk down to the beach, I am always insight of the water, something to be grateful for — so many things to be grateful for… like being in a grateful mood right now, so next time I’m in a shit mood I can look back at this and remember that shit moods always end.
Yesterday I had to eat a bed time snack… I resent having to eat at night because it doesn’t match up with my health/fitness goals… but I was a bit low (80), too low to go to sleep without an assured dexcom wakeup 2 hours later… so I ate a rice cake with almond butter… and then another one, and then I ate almond butter out of the jar… because I triggered the hunger monster… and because deep down (sometimes not so deep down at all) I am SUPER resentful at Diabetes. Why should I have to eat when I don’t want to — it sucks. This morning I woke up in the 200s, a carb “hangover” if you will…I had two choices, I could say fuck it, skip breakfast like I prefer to, skip my walk because it’s “inconvenient” today, and sit right down to “work”… or I could do what I know works… go for a walk, down a protein shake, and start over today, at that moment… so that’s what I did… 12-ish hours later I’m back in the 140s and dropping down a bit… still fighting the fishtail effect from being so high… I should test and eat… so I think I will. I’m choosing me, my health, and trying to get out of my own way in the process. Life is good, the guidance is there… now I just have to put one foot in front of the other… xo